Deserved Runaway

The innumerous exams that we penned down are an instant reminder when we think about education. And the results or marks that were associated with it were a reflection of our intelligence? Or hard work? Or mugging capacity?

When I was in school these marks depicted a rather strange introspection of myself. It depicted what I deserve as a person! If I had got a 54 in Geography or a 91 in Math, it mirrored what I deserved to get in the respective subjects irrespective of the knowledge I had or the hard work I put in.

I simply mean to say that, even if I had sat all night and sweated out to dump all the books in my brain, I knew that I would end up getting the same results. Coz exams and percentages graded me what I ought to have. It was something predetermined and no efforts of mine will change that.

Now, past school, past college…. I seem to be out of exams and marks. Am I really out of it? Isn’t every small crisis in life is an exam by itself?? And the verdict is the results! And during each of these crisis the outcome is what I deserved completely.

I let people to influence me and take control of my decisions, my life… whether it turned out to be a blossoming rose or a slush hole, is what I got and is what I deserved.

I let my thoughts to control my decisions, my action… whether it led me to create once-in-a-lifetime opportunity or to throw that million-dollar opportunity, is what I did and is what I deserved.

I let my emotions to rule my decisions, my relationships… whether it turned out to be so sweet that I failed to forgive myself, or it turned out to be so sour that I failed to forget, is what it happened and is what I deserved.

And all through... I ran away, I ran away from myself!