Roughly 8 years back...
Clad in a pink + peach + tinge of mauve* coloured salwar kameez and neatly pressed checked waist coat, I was among the group of people with intimidated spirits yet proud demeanor, marching into the building of superiority, of captaincy, of our turn of bullying lil school kids and of exclusive rest rooms. As Queens throned in ergonomically designed one armed chairs, we saw the jester of the court perform his debut. The image of the front balded, blood shot eyed, spittle dipped moustached face and the alarmingly ringing "Aaargaaanick chemistrieeeeee....caaarbun hund itssss caaampoundsss" is etched in my memory as it would have been with 78 other brains of the court. Ah! How can I forget jester's OHville? Filled with test tubes of concoction and chinaware of blue hued salts and acrid, pungent, rotten egg smelling atmosphere and his lil assistant ‘the cckrooooomayil kiloridddd’ lady!
*I actually found out the exact colour - Nadeshiko pink
Drenched in the showers of hilarity or I should rather explicitly say “showers of spit” we settled down for yet another act of entertainment. And there she enters! The opera house singer! Her dreamy eyes karoaked a lullaby and as we drowse in the melody… a ‘centriiifuuuuuuugalllllll and centriiipeeeeetallll force’ shriek brought us back to the reality of physics!
Yes! Memories of Super Senior phase mostly blanketed around the aforementioned jester and the opera singer and the clowns they produced! (if you know wat I mean!)
But, the best part of any entertainment is the company with whom we shared. As such, a company to secretly laugh and hide behind mouth wipes, a company to grunt into people’s years, a company to go ‘oh so cuuute’ and fall off our beloved cycles… I had 3 buddies!
Bright blue painted palms, glitter smudged face and a mole smeared jus rightly on the cheek! Her Srilankan dusk skin is still a carpet of sun glowing sand! The 2 glory years of ultimate fun and self revelation as a sporty tomboy from a calm ‘ramanujam’ geek can well be credited to the new girl in the group – Sajreena!
A mood of rainbow, a mood of naughtiness, a mood of utterly nonsensical oscar speeches, a mood of character sketches out of ‘the opera singer’s’ interconnected lines, a mood of giggling over ‘filomeeenas’ of class, a mood of blushes over lunch time ‘partition’.. .and put together is a flush of COPPER NITRATE BLUE – Attractive, elegant, cheerful, bright and exclusive – that’s Saj! That was Saj to me! Crayoning a shade of her ‘BLUE’ in my life! The new girl…Oh! No more so new! A part of my girl gang, my world!!
The sleepovers, the movies, the beach drives, the CCD hang outs, etc etc year after year had shown me Saj as the ever vibrant attitudette, but had failed to show the sensitivity she holds at great inside her. And the year that had just gone by proved me jus that!
The calmness behind her moist eyes is a mask to her thoughts mumbling inside, thoughts of care, love and friendship and I couldn’t ask more from her when I was in her rummaging thoughts behind her moist eyes. I can’t remember the last time when a friend had genuinely cried for me and I’m privileged enough to declare that my friend Saj did it for me and I’m more than fortunate to have Saj in my life.
Recently I made a trip with Saj and with Priyanka a friend of mine and I should say that it was one of the most enjoyable experiences! Over a lil chit chat, Priyanka mentioned how she found the bond between me and Saj overwhelming. Beyond the yapping and more yapping between 2 girl friends, she said that the calmness, respect and care we share for each other was admirable!
That is a compliment to the friendship bond that Saj and I share! Which I would take for the rest of the years to come!
On a closing note – Saj, I might not be the friend to hug you, lay a peck on your cheek and shout out ‘I love you’ but never fail to know that you’re a friend best loved, you’re a friend I regret I met late in life…… Thanks for being there for me! :)
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Midget & Me!
At the stroke of 12, the break of my birthday dawn, an “unknown number” flashed on my battery drained cell phone. Ah! Instantly I knew the voice, as a feeble tone wished me for the special day. It was the Midget I knew once! Not very long ago. Shuttling between the dreamy lands of American soil, dancing with German ladies and probably getting stranded in the hot springs of South Korea, Midget- I prefer calling Iggu midget, had been busy globetrotting. I had almost forgotten he existed. Hmmm ‘Forgotten’ is not the word… may be ‘overlooked’. But I knew, when Midget talked to me, he loved talkin to me and I welcomed the call graciously and made no qualms about my non-existence in his life for some time.
The months or life that followed the night conversation broke a dawn of a realization, long hidden amongst my cerebral cells. That night, lil Midget kept rambling that he had no friend to look for when he was wrapped in the loneliness of an alien land. And that he was buried in the assumption that people hate him. “Lil Midget, I blame you”, I said. “Why don’t you fly out of your cocoon and make an effort to keep in touch with people whom you consider friends?” He kept quiet. Midget brushed aside the fact that friends recognize you only when you recognize them. Midget only envied me, saying that I was smothered by the love of umpteen friends! And yeah, I threw the pride on myself, that it is true. “I have soooo many friends and I’m so fortunate to have the best of them”
Lil midget, sorry I told you this. You might have felt so belittled and ignored given your state. But Midget, my iguana pet, read on… read on why I have or rather say maintain so many friends, and you’ll know where you and I stand.
I’m ignorant, reserved and usually lost in my own imaginative world or succumbed to plain emptiness until people come find me as an ‘oh-so-witty’, ‘oor-suthifyin’ girl. And that’s when people take me to be a friend. Owing to my true self, they still know that I have a head like a polished chair! Don’t take me to be bald, Midget. Folks find a comfortable pose and sit right there. Yes, on my head! They know, lil midget, that they can sit tightly on top there, they know I’ll bear the weight, they know I can take their farts, they know I won’t whine when they poke me with their cowboy boots, and I will still be there to stick a hankie up on their face when I see them cry.
I’ve been thru a phase like “Oh, you’re not my friend, you jus come along for lunch break”, thru a phase where I had a gang of friends for a school excursion and none realized that I was totally sick and had no energy to take another step for site-seeing, thru a phase where ‘friends’ didn’t realize I can be good enough to get a 100 in the math paper. I’ve heard “Cha, you wouldn’t have got, stop lying”, thru a phase where I heard a friend behind my back declaring “I have never seen such a person who didn’t stand for a friend” obviously indicating me, when I tried to protect her from a rogue whom she ticked off with her haughty behavior. I’ve been thru a phase when a friend showed her middle finger and said ‘Jus, for the fun of it’, thru a phase where a friend raised her brow and gave a demeaning look for fish-knows-what reason!, thru a phase where I wait with a growling stomach to have lunch with a friend caught up in work and the next day I dint see them waiting for me wen I was late! I’ve been thru a phase when friends adore their newly found mates and where I only have been insulted for not bonding with them. I’ve been thru a phase where friends give room for misconceptions and find jus another reason to condemn you as though a grave crime was committed, thru a phase where friends do not trust you, thru a phase where none of my friends could read behind my glistening eyes that I had been in a depressed phase.
Too sensitive I am, all this pricks and pokes me. Then, lil Midget, you might as well want to slap me hard across my face and say “Then get the fish out of all this!!” I say that to myself too, dear iguana. I wish I could stop crooning. But, you know, that I was raised in believing people and that no matter what, friends are not worth the anger, the hatred, the loss!
Amongst all these pricks and pokes, dear Midget…. I only remember friends who dint abandon me in the school excursion, the 2 friends who shared a 2-seater couch with me in the theatre, the friends who shut my mouth when I was talkin ill of the auto driver who would have probably bashed me otherwise, the friends who told me “Don’t keep that long face….that is so not you”, the friends who rightly pop up to take me for an ice-cream when they know when I’m coffined in my 3 ft cubicle, the friends who held my head while crying, the friends who mopped and drained my vomit, the friends who hit the shit out of me when I went bonkers, the friends who wanted me to get me back on my feet, the friends who called up after I revealed a secret and said “Nish.. dunno wat to say, But we love you!”, the friends who re-assured that I’m worth more and lastly the friend jus last night dropped a msg “I know you’re already snorin to glory…but Goodnight Nish!” My daddy gave me the sweetest name ever - NISHA! But my friends.. my friends christened me with names as Nishi, Nishesh, Nizammuddin, Vayaapuri, Jackie, Ajit Agarkar, Lizzy, Gundu, etc etc. It makes me special!
Don’t you see dear lil Midget….that friends are there ever! Probably they weren’t there at the right time to see sadness in my eyes… I wouldn’t have been either. Probably they wouldn’t have been in the right spirits to accept a folly I had made…. I wouldn’t have been either. Probably they would have been succumbed to misunderstandings… I would have been too. So are they drumming about complaining? Probably yes…. I might have been doing that too. But through all this, I accept my friends and will stand for them, as they would for me(Or even if they dont!)!*
And that is why my puny indecisive pet Midget…..they say; you lose some to gain more!!
*Conditions apply – ‘Without losing my self-respect’
The months or life that followed the night conversation broke a dawn of a realization, long hidden amongst my cerebral cells. That night, lil Midget kept rambling that he had no friend to look for when he was wrapped in the loneliness of an alien land. And that he was buried in the assumption that people hate him. “Lil Midget, I blame you”, I said. “Why don’t you fly out of your cocoon and make an effort to keep in touch with people whom you consider friends?” He kept quiet. Midget brushed aside the fact that friends recognize you only when you recognize them. Midget only envied me, saying that I was smothered by the love of umpteen friends! And yeah, I threw the pride on myself, that it is true. “I have soooo many friends and I’m so fortunate to have the best of them”
Lil midget, sorry I told you this. You might have felt so belittled and ignored given your state. But Midget, my iguana pet, read on… read on why I have or rather say maintain so many friends, and you’ll know where you and I stand.
I’m ignorant, reserved and usually lost in my own imaginative world or succumbed to plain emptiness until people come find me as an ‘oh-so-witty’, ‘oor-suthifyin’ girl. And that’s when people take me to be a friend. Owing to my true self, they still know that I have a head like a polished chair! Don’t take me to be bald, Midget. Folks find a comfortable pose and sit right there. Yes, on my head! They know, lil midget, that they can sit tightly on top there, they know I’ll bear the weight, they know I can take their farts, they know I won’t whine when they poke me with their cowboy boots, and I will still be there to stick a hankie up on their face when I see them cry.
I’ve been thru a phase like “Oh, you’re not my friend, you jus come along for lunch break”, thru a phase where I had a gang of friends for a school excursion and none realized that I was totally sick and had no energy to take another step for site-seeing, thru a phase where ‘friends’ didn’t realize I can be good enough to get a 100 in the math paper. I’ve heard “Cha, you wouldn’t have got, stop lying”, thru a phase where I heard a friend behind my back declaring “I have never seen such a person who didn’t stand for a friend” obviously indicating me, when I tried to protect her from a rogue whom she ticked off with her haughty behavior. I’ve been thru a phase when a friend showed her middle finger and said ‘Jus, for the fun of it’, thru a phase where a friend raised her brow and gave a demeaning look for fish-knows-what reason!, thru a phase where I wait with a growling stomach to have lunch with a friend caught up in work and the next day I dint see them waiting for me wen I was late! I’ve been thru a phase when friends adore their newly found mates and where I only have been insulted for not bonding with them. I’ve been thru a phase where friends give room for misconceptions and find jus another reason to condemn you as though a grave crime was committed, thru a phase where friends do not trust you, thru a phase where none of my friends could read behind my glistening eyes that I had been in a depressed phase.
Too sensitive I am, all this pricks and pokes me. Then, lil Midget, you might as well want to slap me hard across my face and say “Then get the fish out of all this!!” I say that to myself too, dear iguana. I wish I could stop crooning. But, you know, that I was raised in believing people and that no matter what, friends are not worth the anger, the hatred, the loss!
Amongst all these pricks and pokes, dear Midget…. I only remember friends who dint abandon me in the school excursion, the 2 friends who shared a 2-seater couch with me in the theatre, the friends who shut my mouth when I was talkin ill of the auto driver who would have probably bashed me otherwise, the friends who told me “Don’t keep that long face….that is so not you”, the friends who rightly pop up to take me for an ice-cream when they know when I’m coffined in my 3 ft cubicle, the friends who held my head while crying, the friends who mopped and drained my vomit, the friends who hit the shit out of me when I went bonkers, the friends who wanted me to get me back on my feet, the friends who called up after I revealed a secret and said “Nish.. dunno wat to say, But we love you!”, the friends who re-assured that I’m worth more and lastly the friend jus last night dropped a msg “I know you’re already snorin to glory…but Goodnight Nish!” My daddy gave me the sweetest name ever - NISHA! But my friends.. my friends christened me with names as Nishi, Nishesh, Nizammuddin, Vayaapuri, Jackie, Ajit Agarkar, Lizzy, Gundu, etc etc. It makes me special!
Don’t you see dear lil Midget….that friends are there ever! Probably they weren’t there at the right time to see sadness in my eyes… I wouldn’t have been either. Probably they wouldn’t have been in the right spirits to accept a folly I had made…. I wouldn’t have been either. Probably they would have been succumbed to misunderstandings… I would have been too. So are they drumming about complaining? Probably yes…. I might have been doing that too. But through all this, I accept my friends and will stand for them, as they would for me(Or even if they dont!)!*
And that is why my puny indecisive pet Midget…..they say; you lose some to gain more!!
*Conditions apply – ‘Without losing my self-respect’
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Fade Away!
Hazy sky, smoky clouds
Crystal clear faces
All beholds.
Seen places, longing emotions
Takes up paces
A story unfolds.
Ha! a movie
I wish, a fantasy.
A climatic treachery
Thrown at, in mockery.
A creepy lot
I pick you from,
With wretched plot
Another one.
In my head
A seeming mound,
An inception dread
Again around.
Oh, ugly dream!
Fade away.
Lure back in my stream,
Only as a fairy tale.
Crystal clear faces
All beholds.
Seen places, longing emotions
Takes up paces
A story unfolds.
Ha! a movie
I wish, a fantasy.
A climatic treachery
Thrown at, in mockery.
A creepy lot
I pick you from,
With wretched plot
Another one.
In my head
A seeming mound,
An inception dread
Again around.
Oh, ugly dream!
Fade away.
Lure back in my stream,
Only as a fairy tale.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Deserved Runaway
The innumerous exams that we penned down are an instant reminder when we think about education. And the results or marks that were associated with it were a reflection of our intelligence? Or hard work? Or mugging capacity?
When I was in school these marks depicted a rather strange introspection of myself. It depicted what I deserve as a person! If I had got a 54 in Geography or a 91 in Math, it mirrored what I deserved to get in the respective subjects irrespective of the knowledge I had or the hard work I put in.
I simply mean to say that, even if I had sat all night and sweated out to dump all the books in my brain, I knew that I would end up getting the same results. Coz exams and percentages graded me what I ought to have. It was something predetermined and no efforts of mine will change that.
Now, past school, past college…. I seem to be out of exams and marks. Am I really out of it? Isn’t every small crisis in life is an exam by itself?? And the verdict is the results! And during each of these crisis the outcome is what I deserved completely.
I let people to influence me and take control of my decisions, my life… whether it turned out to be a blossoming rose or a slush hole, is what I got and is what I deserved.
I let my thoughts to control my decisions, my action… whether it led me to create once-in-a-lifetime opportunity or to throw that million-dollar opportunity, is what I did and is what I deserved.
I let my emotions to rule my decisions, my relationships… whether it turned out to be so sweet that I failed to forgive myself, or it turned out to be so sour that I failed to forget, is what it happened and is what I deserved.
And all through... I ran away, I ran away from myself!
When I was in school these marks depicted a rather strange introspection of myself. It depicted what I deserve as a person! If I had got a 54 in Geography or a 91 in Math, it mirrored what I deserved to get in the respective subjects irrespective of the knowledge I had or the hard work I put in.
I simply mean to say that, even if I had sat all night and sweated out to dump all the books in my brain, I knew that I would end up getting the same results. Coz exams and percentages graded me what I ought to have. It was something predetermined and no efforts of mine will change that.
Now, past school, past college…. I seem to be out of exams and marks. Am I really out of it? Isn’t every small crisis in life is an exam by itself?? And the verdict is the results! And during each of these crisis the outcome is what I deserved completely.
I let people to influence me and take control of my decisions, my life… whether it turned out to be a blossoming rose or a slush hole, is what I got and is what I deserved.
I let my thoughts to control my decisions, my action… whether it led me to create once-in-a-lifetime opportunity or to throw that million-dollar opportunity, is what I did and is what I deserved.
I let my emotions to rule my decisions, my relationships… whether it turned out to be so sweet that I failed to forgive myself, or it turned out to be so sour that I failed to forget, is what it happened and is what I deserved.
And all through... I ran away, I ran away from myself!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Awake from the Oblivion
The cloud of comfort awaits me,
Seducing me to stretch, like an imbecile feline.
The pillow of dreams remind me,
Of percepted fantasies, like an inception unfolded.
The blanket of warmth ropes me,
Wrapping me to immortality, like an invisible cloak.
I lay there to be immersed in the bliss of oblivion…
And the ticking clock awakes me to fall back to the stinging reality,
As I welcome yet another half-past-eleven sleepless night!
Seducing me to stretch, like an imbecile feline.
The pillow of dreams remind me,
Of percepted fantasies, like an inception unfolded.
The blanket of warmth ropes me,
Wrapping me to immortality, like an invisible cloak.
I lay there to be immersed in the bliss of oblivion…
And the ticking clock awakes me to fall back to the stinging reality,
As I welcome yet another half-past-eleven sleepless night!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Never Broken
You ripped my pounding heart with a sting ray whip,
I lost the mortal beat.
But I held on to you.
You spurted the blood wrath with a snake venom spit,
I writhed in the caustic splash.
But I held on to you.
You flurried the fiery flames with a dragon exhale,
I charred in the scorching burns.
But I held on to you.
I’m barbed… I’m agonized…I’m helpless as you shattered my way.
But I held on to you… and will hold on to you dear TRUST.
Coz I never forget to remember that once you made my day!
I lost the mortal beat.
But I held on to you.
You spurted the blood wrath with a snake venom spit,
I writhed in the caustic splash.
But I held on to you.
You flurried the fiery flames with a dragon exhale,
I charred in the scorching burns.
But I held on to you.
I’m barbed… I’m agonized…I’m helpless as you shattered my way.
But I held on to you… and will hold on to you dear TRUST.
Coz I never forget to remember that once you made my day!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Invincible She
Mightiness of a squadron,
She could dagger the feuds, she could move boulders,
Until emotions drown her!
Indomitable as a Spartan,
She could meek the kings, she could dare the devil,
Until desire engulf her!
Fierce as an Eagle,
She could vision the sun; she could brave the storms,
Until guilt smother her!
Unstoppable as a Volcano,
She could venge nature, she could wreak havoc,
Until love suffocate her!
Powerless as a Human,
She cower, cringe and wince,
Until death succumbs her!
She could dagger the feuds, she could move boulders,
Until emotions drown her!
Indomitable as a Spartan,
She could meek the kings, she could dare the devil,
Until desire engulf her!
Fierce as an Eagle,
She could vision the sun; she could brave the storms,
Until guilt smother her!
Unstoppable as a Volcano,
She could venge nature, she could wreak havoc,
Until love suffocate her!
Powerless as a Human,
She cower, cringe and wince,
Until death succumbs her!
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